It Wasn't Meant To Be...

I. Hate. Infertility. I know hate is a strong word, but in this case, it is truly appropriate. I am starring you down Infertility, and I HATE you!

We just completed round 3 of IUI's. We have not told many people about our attempts, just a very select few, and of course, those of you who actually do read my blog.

We took a pregnancy test at 4 weeks, and as I suspected, it was negative. We were dissappointed, but, okay with that. However, a week later, I still hadn't gotten that dreaded monthly visitor, affectionately known as Flo. So, without Matt knowing, I took another test. That test was inconclusive, because if you held it in just the right light, and squinted, you could see a very faint line. That's what I get for buying the CHEAPEST tests I could find. So, I went in for the blood test, and got a Digital test on the way home. The digital report was : YES+

OH, I was so excited! Now I get to surprise Matt! We get to surprise our family for Christmas! I texted Matt the cutest picture of Jeremy holding an "I'm a Big Brother" sign. We plotted how we were going to have our parents open a gift with an ultrasound picture (yes, one bonus to infertility is the slew of early ultrasounds).

Then the nurse called. The blood work wasn't good. MY HCG (pregnancy hormone) was very low for 5 weeks, and I should prepare myself for miscarriage. Four hours of extremely happy to a crash. Two days later, I officially miscarried. Next step is giving my body a break. Conducting a few more tests to see what's happening. Waiting.

Did I mention how much I HATE infertility?

Dissappointment

I hate the feeling of dissappointment. One would think, that having been through all I've been through over the last several years, I would learn God has a plan for me. I do know that. But, I can't help but not get those pesky feelings of dissappointment out of the way.

Most recently, we had our first attempt with the fertility doctor at giving Jeremy a sibling. It didn't work. Dissappointment. God has a plan for us.

Insurance rant...Grr....

So, if you have read our blog at all, you know that we had issues becoming pregnant and resorted to fertility treatments to get Jeremy. I felt very blessed because we had great insurance that covered our treatments. In 2009, our church insurance changed, and we were concerned about the fertility coverage. Everything checked out, coverage changed slightly, but still there.

Now that we are looking into treatments again, we just found out that this January our insurance dropped all fertility coverage! This makes me very sad. Being a single income household on a church worker salary, fertility expenses can add up really quickly.

$130 meds, $489procedure, hope for a new baby: PRICELESS

GeoCache, anyone?

GeoCaching is my new addiction! I heard of GeoCaching quite some time ago, but did not have a GPS. We got a car GPS for Christmas, but, it isn't designed for off road use, and gets mad at me if I leave a roadway, so, it wasn't right for GeoCaching. However, a couple weeks ago I got a Garmin eTrex at a garage sale for 5 bucks! I've been out caching ever since!

I've found some fairly easy hides, fallen down an embankment and scraped up my arm, bushwacked my way here and there, and several times couldn't find a darn thing. I've taken Jeremy out hunting in the park and some local cemeteries. Matt even has been out looking as well. He's not as good as I am at finding things. He can't even find the ketchup in the pantry. :)

Anyone else out there GeoCache? My username is Theshows. Look me up!

Parent Orientation ???

I am very excited that Jeremy will be attending preschool this year. It is only one morning each week, but it will be great for him to play with other children his age. He will be going to Little School, which is the preschool program at our church. It is a very well respected program within the community.

So, last night was parent orientation. As the Director was going over the handbook, a mom raised her hand to ask a question. She voiced concerns about the curriculum, stating she doesn't want religion pounded into her child's head.

Uh.....you do realize that this is a Christian Preschool....right??? OF COURSE they will talk about Jesus and pray, learn bible stories and songs. The world gets dumber every day. I often wonder what our kids future will look like at this rate of increasing stupidity. **sigh**

Number 2?

My college girlfriends will tell you, that I always said I wanted 10 kids. Yes, 10. Granted, getting a later start on marriage, dealing with infertility, I think 10 is most definitely NOT in my future. Matt and I did pare down the 10 to just 4 when we were first married, but, given the same above circumstances, unless I have some multiples, 4 probably won't happen either.

The dilemma: when you have one absolutely perfect child, how do you take the plunge to add another. What are the chances that kid number 2 will be as equally good of a child? My reasoning, chances aren't good and we are treading on thin ice. Our number 2 would likely be a wild child, rocking the peaceful little boat we are so happily floating on. But, we do have that desire for more children.

I guess you just have to take the plunge.

Summer

This has been most certainly the best summer of recent years. I love it HOT, and it has been HOT! I love spending time at the lake, and we've done quite a lot of that. Although, not enough. I would go every weekend if it were up to me. Unfortunately, Matt works on Sunday and he has had a lot of stuff happening this summer. Here are a few pictures of our summer, as it quickly is approaching it's end.

This was our first swim of the season. Memorial Day weekend. It has literally been YEARS, possible even a DECADE since I have entered the lake on Memorial Day. It has always been too cold. It was a wonderful weekend. Jeremy became acquainted with his favorite floatation device from last year. He is PRO at stearing and kicking himself around in this little boat.Jeremy was posing for a lot of pictures in Mommy's sun hat. Everyone needs a little sun protection! Jeremy is a big fan of driving the "Water Airplane". At first, he didn't mind going fast. Uncle David did a fast turn and got him wet, so now we must drive slow.

Aunt Nan brought her Kayak up one weekend. Jeremy really enjoyed this ride! I would too if I could have just sat in front and not paddle!He also loves swimming. Here he sits, waiting patiently, until we are ready to get in.

Last, but not least, we must look for fish. We bought a Jr. fishing pole this year, but unfortunately, I don't have any pictures of him actually using it! So, he lays on the pier, with anyone he can sucker into laying with him, to look for the fish.

Facebook made me a bad blogger

Matt and I used to do a good job updating our blog. Then, Laura (my sister-in-law) introduced me to this lovely thing called Facebook. Facebook has led to our lack in blogging since we can instantly post pictures from our phone and post status updates whenever something interesting (or not so interesting) happens. It's faster and easier, plain and simple.

I miss blogging though. Blogging let's me write as much or as little as I want. People make fun of me when I do a status update that is a paragraph. So, I'm setting a goal. I will add to my blog at least once a week. There is always something new to post about since Jeremy is now 2.5, and doing many fun and silly things. So, blog followers, I'll do my best to keep it up!