Struggles

I struggle. Big decisions make me decide, rethink, reconsider, stay up late at night thinking...or blogging. It is just so hard to know what to do.

In the past 36 hours, I've conceived (pun intended) all kinds of ways to not accept that we won't have more children.

1) First thought, try IUI again, just see if we can save up some "deposits" and add them together:) Makes sense to me. I think we will suggest that to the Doctor.

2) Save, for several years. The fear being, we will have to put A LOT of other things on hold to save that much money. But, if it works, it would so be worth it. If it doesn't, we just put A LOT of other things on hold to chase a dream.

3) Theoretically, we have access to about half of what we need on our own....could we do Fundraisers? My parents are willing to help. My mom is even willing to sell her sports car. If I gave her another grandchild, she wouldn't even miss the car. But, this is putting all our eggs (literally) in one basket. We could be left with no money, no car, and no baby.

4) Pull a Brothers and Sisters move and have Matt's 6 brothers all make a deposit together, then cheer on those Hartke swimmers! Okay, not serious about that one........well....it's not a terrible idea, is it? However, it didn't end well on Brothers and Sisters when they had to determine who was ACTUALLY the biological father.

So...still praying. Praying for guidance. Praying for clear answers. If it is meant to be, praying that God will provide the money. If not, praying for contentment. I did feel content tonight, as I watch Jeremy wrestle with his grandpa. I love that little boy.