Gestational Diabetes

Yesterday I received the sad news that I have Gestational Diabetes. I confess I am SHOCKED and a bit overwhelmed by this. I had to do the 3 hour GTT when I was pregnant with Jeremy, so I wasn't surprised when I had to do the 3 hour GTT this go around either. But, to get the call and diagnosis of GD is shocking.

So, tomorrow I get to travel down to the Diabetes Center in Indianapolis and do a 2 hour course to learn how to control my sugar levels through diet and how to monitor my glucose levels. I sure hope that the diet isn't complicated, because I am not a measure it out and categorize my food kind of person. And, for the sake of the baby, I have to become one of those kind of people....and FAST!

It's A....

Boy! I will be very outnumbered when Benjamin Carl arrives. Jeremy is very excited to be a big brother. Now, if we could just finish up their room. I'd love to start getting things ready, but there is no place to get things ready yet! Time is flying, so hopefully it will be done!

New Belly Shots

I am really bad at updating! So far, things have gone GREAT! I "feel" like I'm bigger this time around, but I compared pictures...and it's about the same growth rate. I guess since I'm about 2 months ahead of where I was with Jeremy, it must just be the snug summer tanks that make me less able to hide the bulging bump:) So, here are the latest pics.

Cloth Diapering

I'm am seriously considering using cloth diapers this time around. I briefly considered it the first time, but really didn't think I could handle the poop in the diaper. Now that I am still trying to train Jeremy not to poop in his underwear, and several times a week (sometimes a day) I am rinsing out superhero underwear in the toilet, I'm thinking it won't be such a big deal. There are SO MANY choices and styles of diapers to chose from though, so how do you know which one to pick? I'm leaning towards an All-in-one style, as that seems so close to being a disposable style, that getting the diaper on won't be a problem. I also have to get over the sticker shock of the initial expense. But, say you spend several hundred dollars upfront, you STILL will save money over the course of your diaper career. I seem to not be able to make many decisions...I blame pregnancy brain. Maybe once we get the nursery done, I'll feel more motivated.

Scracth that 11 weeks + 2 post

That was a hoax. I had 2 puke free days, but then the mass vomit returned. I am now 14 weeks + 2. I got a new prescription for Reglan. I have to take it 30 minutes prior to eating. Day 1 was good. Felt great after lunch, a little stomach quiver after dinner, but no vomit! Hopefully, it will be a trend. I am so tired of vomiting it isn't even funny. My "pre pregnancy" jeans are beginning to be way to big! I can't but smaller jeans, then go buy maternity jeans later. So...weight loss will hopefully stop here.

6, 9 and 14 Week Belly Shots

Looking closely, it appears that my original fat bump is getting smaller. I guess that is a result of all the vomiting:(

11 Weeks + 2

Ah!! Finally today I was hungry for dinner, and at two plates full! (Fortunately, it was a salad and dessert carry-in, and I only had 1/2 a piece of desert). And, I didn't end up puking! Is this a sign that the morning sickness will pass? I sure hope so! I had to wear maternity pants today. Not because my normal pants don't fit, but because we are so far behind in our laundry, maternity pants are the only clean pants in my house! I'm looking forward to getting back into the groove of things. Getting my house cleaned up. Matt has been trying...but his level of clean and my level of clean do not match. But, I do appreciate his help.

I had a Dr. Appointment this week. All is well, except I've lost 5 pounds. I heard Button's heartbeat, and it was good and strong! We have the "BIG" ultrasound on June 27, then I can seriously hit the garage sales!

All Day Sickness

Ugh. I was hoping that I would get a pass on the All Day Sickness since I puked the ENTIRE pregnancy with Jeremy. No such luck. Since just after 6 weeks I've been a vomit machine:( This is definitely the most undesirable part of pregnancy for me. Let's just hope this time it will pass with the first trimester!

So, we had a Birthday a couple months ago...

Jeremy turned 3 years old in January! I am so slow at getting things posted onto the blog. I just got the photos off my camera!

We had a small party at our house. I totally forgot to take a picture of the cake! So, the best we get is Jeremy blowing out the candles on his Thomas the Tank Engine Cake. The party theme was Thomas. Jeremy picked it out.

Overall he had a great day, and made out like a bandit! He is so spoiled:) I love it! I can't believe 3 years has passed by already. My baby boy isn't a baby anymore.








Jeremy really loves balloons! He had a great time just playing with his bouquet of balloons that we made for him.

And 3 became 4

So, after ALL our struggles trying to conceive baby #2, I'm so happy to announce that we are expecting a baby mid-November!

After receiving the devastating news in January that our best option would be IVF, we really thought we would forever be a family of three. Much to my surprise, this past Thursday, since the old hag was nowhere to be found, I thought to myself "self, I have some home pregnancy tests sitting in the drawer, I might as well use one". I about fell out of my chair when it came up and said "YES+"!! I never thought in my life that I would get to surprise Matt with a pregnancy announcement. having your cycles closely monitored and doing fertility treatments really eliminates all elements of surprise.

So, Friday, Matt and I snuck away from Dad at the Heart Center to have a blood test to confirm the home test. Everything came back great. My HCG numbers are super high for where I am (over 6000) and progesterone is rocking! So, all looks to be well. Baby Button is firmly planted:)

We get to have our first Ultrasound on the 29th. We'll see a little gestational sac, and maybe the heartbeat of one (or TWO) babes. I will be 6 weeks tomorrow and I have NO Symptoms as of yet. Guess I'll have to start the Belly Shot gallery again!

Lungs and Hearts are Very Important

What a whirlwind of a time I have had! On Friday, March 11, 2011, my Mom finally got the call she's been waiting for. They had a match for her, and she would be receiving a brand new set of lungs!! I had prayed for a long time it the call would NOT come March10-13th because I was on team for the Kokomo Great Banquet #81, and Aunt Nan was a guest. But, wouldn't you know, Friday morning, before Talk 1 even started, my breast starts vibrating like crazy. (*yes, I keep my phone in my Over-The-Shoulder-Cell-Phone-Holder). I rode down to Methodist Hospital with Mom and Dad. I thought we would be rushed right through, and into surgery. But, we got there and waited for about 8 hours before they took her back for surgery at 6:30 PM. They did their first cut at 8:30 PM and placed the last staple at 3:30 AM Saturday morning. We got to file into ICU and see her briefly, then I returned to the Banquet, not getting any sleep until 12:30 AM on Sunday morning. I was tired!! She is doing well breathing with her new lungs, no rejection issues and no infection. She is having issues swallowing food into her lungs. So she will be on a feeding tube for awhile. AND, the drugs make her hallucinate terribly. We really can't convince her that what she is seeing isn't really happening.

Just to keep things exciting, Thursday night, the 17th, I received a call from my Dad saying he wasn't feeling well. He sounded really bad and indicated his throat was hurting. So, I offered to come up and drive him to the clinic. In route to his house, I thought I should call and check on him, and he said he was having really bad chest pains. So, I called 911 from the road. I thought he was having a heart attack! He ended up being life-lined from Dukes in Peru down to The Heart Center in Indy. After a LONG night (again) they did a cardio conversion (shocked him) and he is back in rhythm. He's had a history of Arrhythmia, and just had a bad episode. Dad is home now. Well, he's at OUR home with us for a couple days.

More craziness to come later!

Media Coordinator

Media Coordinator. That is my new title. I am starting a part-time job this week. Part-time meaning 10 hours per week. The job is at my church, coordinating Media (of course!). I'm excited to have a little extra income, as our budget needed some serious breathing room. I'm excited to learn new things. I learned Media Shout today with Lloyd. I have to learn about Web Pages as well, so I can update ours. It will be fun, and add a little bit of spice to my normally routine days. I've been praying for something that I could do to earn a little income without actually actually working regularly, as taking care of Jeremy is my first priority. So, this opportunity certainly fits the bill, and came at just the right time!

We love Dr. Not-so-Doom-and-Gloom

Matt and I met with the Doctor yesterday, and we got good news. Although he would do the IVF right now if we wanted, he did suggest a few things we could do to increase our chances with another IUI. So, Matt is on a a nice vitamin and med routine, then we will reassess the situation in a few months. Prayers that the new routine will completely take away our fertility problem, and and we don't even have to make a decision about IVF in the future.

Struggles

I struggle. Big decisions make me decide, rethink, reconsider, stay up late at night thinking...or blogging. It is just so hard to know what to do.

In the past 36 hours, I've conceived (pun intended) all kinds of ways to not accept that we won't have more children.

1) First thought, try IUI again, just see if we can save up some "deposits" and add them together:) Makes sense to me. I think we will suggest that to the Doctor.

2) Save, for several years. The fear being, we will have to put A LOT of other things on hold to save that much money. But, if it works, it would so be worth it. If it doesn't, we just put A LOT of other things on hold to chase a dream.

3) Theoretically, we have access to about half of what we need on our own....could we do Fundraisers? My parents are willing to help. My mom is even willing to sell her sports car. If I gave her another grandchild, she wouldn't even miss the car. But, this is putting all our eggs (literally) in one basket. We could be left with no money, no car, and no baby.

4) Pull a Brothers and Sisters move and have Matt's 6 brothers all make a deposit together, then cheer on those Hartke swimmers! Okay, not serious about that one........well....it's not a terrible idea, is it? However, it didn't end well on Brothers and Sisters when they had to determine who was ACTUALLY the biological father.

So...still praying. Praying for guidance. Praying for clear answers. If it is meant to be, praying that God will provide the money. If not, praying for contentment. I did feel content tonight, as I watch Jeremy wrestle with his grandpa. I love that little boy.

Heartbreak

We got the news today. Our only option to conceive a child is through IVF with ICSI. Without insurance coverage, and hefty price tag of $12,000-$15,000, it simply is not an option for us. I spent my morning hours just crying. Crying tears of anger, tears of heartache, tears for Jeremy. All my dreams of having a big family, crushed.

I'm trying to see the bright side. I'm praying that God with grant me peace of mind, and a feeling of contentment with our first Miracle child. Our wonderfully perfect little boy. I pray that he feels content being an only child, and never feels slighted not having a built in playmate.

For those that do pray, my request to you as that you pray for our family. That God grants us a feeling a peace. That God filters out the people who like to say "Isn't it about time you expand your family???" because my patience is thin. That God will reveal to us the benefits of having only one child, so we can rejoice in our situation, and relish the rest of our life as a family of three.

Pictures:)

We haven't posted any pictures recently on the blog, so I thought maybe I should add a few:)

These are all from October 2010. As tradition dictates, we went to the pumpkin patch and picked some pumpkins again. This year, Jeremy was a BIG help in the carving process. He stuck his hand in and pulled out all the goo so I could carve the pumpkin. Last year, he would not put his hand in the pumpkin for anything! Unfortunately, the squirrels ate the pumpkin as soon as it went on the porch. Thomas the Tank Engine is a big hit at our house these days. So, we went to the store to get a Batman Costume (which Jeremy said he wanted), but saw Thomas there and of course changed our mind. He was a great Thomas! Even if trick-or-treating only lasted about 3 houses. People dress up WAY to scary to hand candy out to little kids. Halloween is not our thing.

It Wasn't Meant To Be...

I. Hate. Infertility. I know hate is a strong word, but in this case, it is truly appropriate. I am starring you down Infertility, and I HATE you!

We just completed round 3 of IUI's. We have not told many people about our attempts, just a very select few, and of course, those of you who actually do read my blog.

We took a pregnancy test at 4 weeks, and as I suspected, it was negative. We were dissappointed, but, okay with that. However, a week later, I still hadn't gotten that dreaded monthly visitor, affectionately known as Flo. So, without Matt knowing, I took another test. That test was inconclusive, because if you held it in just the right light, and squinted, you could see a very faint line. That's what I get for buying the CHEAPEST tests I could find. So, I went in for the blood test, and got a Digital test on the way home. The digital report was : YES+

OH, I was so excited! Now I get to surprise Matt! We get to surprise our family for Christmas! I texted Matt the cutest picture of Jeremy holding an "I'm a Big Brother" sign. We plotted how we were going to have our parents open a gift with an ultrasound picture (yes, one bonus to infertility is the slew of early ultrasounds).

Then the nurse called. The blood work wasn't good. MY HCG (pregnancy hormone) was very low for 5 weeks, and I should prepare myself for miscarriage. Four hours of extremely happy to a crash. Two days later, I officially miscarried. Next step is giving my body a break. Conducting a few more tests to see what's happening. Waiting.

Did I mention how much I HATE infertility?

Dissappointment

I hate the feeling of dissappointment. One would think, that having been through all I've been through over the last several years, I would learn God has a plan for me. I do know that. But, I can't help but not get those pesky feelings of dissappointment out of the way.

Most recently, we had our first attempt with the fertility doctor at giving Jeremy a sibling. It didn't work. Dissappointment. God has a plan for us.

Insurance rant...Grr....

So, if you have read our blog at all, you know that we had issues becoming pregnant and resorted to fertility treatments to get Jeremy. I felt very blessed because we had great insurance that covered our treatments. In 2009, our church insurance changed, and we were concerned about the fertility coverage. Everything checked out, coverage changed slightly, but still there.

Now that we are looking into treatments again, we just found out that this January our insurance dropped all fertility coverage! This makes me very sad. Being a single income household on a church worker salary, fertility expenses can add up really quickly.

$130 meds, $489procedure, hope for a new baby: PRICELESS

GeoCache, anyone?

GeoCaching is my new addiction! I heard of GeoCaching quite some time ago, but did not have a GPS. We got a car GPS for Christmas, but, it isn't designed for off road use, and gets mad at me if I leave a roadway, so, it wasn't right for GeoCaching. However, a couple weeks ago I got a Garmin eTrex at a garage sale for 5 bucks! I've been out caching ever since!

I've found some fairly easy hides, fallen down an embankment and scraped up my arm, bushwacked my way here and there, and several times couldn't find a darn thing. I've taken Jeremy out hunting in the park and some local cemeteries. Matt even has been out looking as well. He's not as good as I am at finding things. He can't even find the ketchup in the pantry. :)

Anyone else out there GeoCache? My username is Theshows. Look me up!